Thursday, September 24, 2009

Registering: Part Two

Prince Charming and I did make it to one of our two pre-selected registration locations. It was a smaller location, but I still thought he might kill me by the time it was over. I was under the impression that if I could just get him there, we would boop-boop our way thorough. Yeah, that wasn’t the case. See, what I didn’t know is that there are several phases to the registering process.
Phase One: Interest / Excitement. This one has two parts. The first I mentioned previously. It developed and died quite quickly. The second happens when you enter the store. I think that men do like to shop on their own terms. I think that they like the idea of having a say in what will be the things in your married existence. This interest fizzles when you have to stop at the registration desk. I pre-registered, you see, thinking that it would save some time. It did, but it still took FOREVER. I honestly believe the registration consultant (or whatever his title) took as long as he possibly could getting us the scanner. So any interest/excitement that Prince Charming had upon entering the store, waned away as the ten, fifteen, twenty minutes ticked by. Honestly, how long does it take to hand us a clipboard and gun?
Phase Two: Possession Of The Scanner. I read somewhere that to help men through the process, you should let them hold the scanning gun - back to that illusion of control. I fully intended to do that, but once it was in my hand, I didn’t want to give it up. I offered him the clipboard, but he rolled his eyes and flatly declined. He did commandeer the weapon from me when I had trouble scanning a muffin tin. I understood that my turn was over when he wouldn’t give it back to me. This led us smoothly into our next phase.
Phase Three: Questioning, Discussing Colors, Compromise, and my favorite, Goofing Off. Prince Charming enjoyed scanning, and though he didn’t fully understand the need for multiples of anything, he got a kick out of trying to scan things when I wasn’t looking. At this point, I realize I don’t know how to remove the items from our registry. I spent a lot of time saying “that’s okay, I’ll just remove it online.” As predicted, black and red were frequent selections. He did, however, tell me that he wouldn’t mind black and green. I happen to like black kitchenware so that was a go for me. I loved it when I pulled out a gorgeous comforter and he liked it too. “Perfect,” I said, “we can do the bedroom in brown and sage. Green.“ I clarified. I guess he thought it was black. Oh well. Good thing he already scanned in.
Phase Four: Tired / Irritated. Just over half way through the store, he had had enough. Well, maybe half way is too generous. A third of the way through he quit being interested at all and scanned what ever I pointed at. Not a bad phase all in all. Phase four pretty much continues through the next phase. Phase Five: Disappearing Act. We had just made it through bathroom accessories when he discovered a chair display. While I spent the last fifteen minutes of our two hour excursion selecting towels and bath rugs, Prince Charming leaned back in a massage chair and listened to waves crashing, wind chimes, and birds singing. Must have been good stuff, he bought himself a CD and me lunch. I registered for the chair.
Phase Six: Making Changes. The title is pretty self explanatory. I won’t go into detail lest we revert back to Phase three.
Phase Seven: Bonus Phase. Prince Charming said I can go ahead and register at the other place without him.

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