Where's The Fire?

Late last night we remembered that the firefighters would be coming around to check the sprinklers in the condo. They would begin at 7:00 am and on our floor. This translates to a stranger stepping into every room and even opening closet doors. My bedroom is not orderly enough, in my opinion, for my mother to enter let alone some stranger - though Prince Charming seems to forget that occasionally. So, anyway, we’re up at 7:00 this morning waiting for this to happen, when the fire alarm goes off. They warned us that it would be happening throughout the day, but we were surprised that it was the first thing they did. We figured it was used as a wake up call for everyone instead of having to pound on doors. Because the alarm is loud of course. Loud like a fire truck is actually in your front room. Loud like you fear your ears will begin to bleed. Well, they came, they saw, they left, and I went back to bed. The alarm went off again several more times. Funny thing is, snuggled under my duvet, I was still able to fall back asleep. That probably isn't such a good thing should an actual alarm sound…

I Don't Think My Moon Is Rising in Sagittarius...

It's a bad sign when your husband asks you if you have plans for the day or if anyone is coming over today simply because you dressed in something other than lounge pants and a T-shirt - or a house coat, depending on the mood. It isn't as if I'm not accomplishing things, I just do it in a more casual, comfortable, can't-answer-the-door-in-this manner. Nothing wrong with that. Right?

Quick Notes Of Interest - Even If Only To Me

My brother is home from Iraq. Happy days!

Read THAT book (Remember That Time). I'm happy to say the author obviously took note of my disappointment and has put me at ease concerning the direction of the character's love life. I can not wait for the next book. Obsessed once again.

Unemployed, but on a Pollyanna note: I'm working through my Bucket Booklist.

Must share excerpt from current read. A little bit of background: the main character has stopped by the home of an acquaintance because the girl has gone missing. She has rung the bell, but no one has answered...

"... I descended the porch steps, preparing to leave. A big white bird waddled up the flagstone path to meet me. Too fat for a swan, too white for a turkey, it was, I deduced, a goose.

'Hello, Goose,' I said, walking toward it.

The goose took exception to this, flapped its wings violently, and honked. I backed up. This was a mistake. The goose lunged at me, enraged, honking and hissing. I turned to get out of its way and stumbled over a rosebush, and the goose was on me, pecking my calf through my painter's pants. This hurt a lot more than one would think. I became a little enraged myself, and more than a little scared, and tried to kick the bird. As I was wearing Keds, the damage would've been minimal, but in any case, I missed. The goose came at me again. I swung at it with my backpack, missed again, and with my right hand slapped at it, connecting slightly. Then I turned and ran.

The goose, affronted by the slap, intensified its demented honking and came after me. We ran around to the back of the house, and I spotted the garage. It was a six-car garage, with five cars in residence. I jumped into the back of a pickup truck, a Toyota Tundra, and ducked.

I've been in some undignified situations in my life, but hiding from poultry was a low watermark. It worked, though. The goose gave a few more honks, but they lacked conviction. It must have seen me jump into the truck, but either geese have short memories or it felt I'd conceded the fight, because it waddled off toward the house. I know this because I peeked."

Is that not funny? I love it! Goose is later pate.

Listening to Austenland by Shannon Hale on my iPod. Tried to explain to Prince Charming, for the second time, why the Mr. Darcy character is so wonderful. Especially when we, at the beginning, believe he is such a bastard. We watched Pride and Prejudice at one of my wedding showers. It is funny, but my cousin's wife didn't get the Mr. Darcy appeal either. That is, until he shows his first smile. Then Bam! she was hooked too. Prince Charming refuses to watch the movie. He doesn't get it. Must be a female thing.

Had lunch with some friends a few weeks ago. My fortune cookie was insightful: "A SHORT STRANGER WILL SOON ENTER YOUR LIFE". A short stranger? A short stranger? Since when are fortunes that specific? I'm pretty short myself, so it must be a child or a midget or something. Stranger danger.

Remember That Time...

Remember that time I ranted about a book? Well, FYI, the next book in the series is out. I've reserved it at the library. All I can say is it better explain some things or I might... well, I don't know what I might do, but I guarantee it won't be pretty.

Husbands, If Nothing Else, Are... Wait, What's the Word I'm Looking For?

Husbands are difficult to buy for.

Or is that just me?

Prince Charming has a birthday soon. A week away. Six days to be exact. No, only five because I'm not shopping for his gift on Sunday. I also don't want to be wrapping it all nice and pretty... er, handsome just to have it opened ten minutes later. I hate that. So, do I have a gift? No. Do I have any idea what to get him? No. Am I worried? No... okay, yes.

Last year, my family and I gave him an iPod. Four months later, for Christmas, he gave me an iPod. My iPod will tune the radio. His won't. He was SO ticked about that. Today I ask him what he'd like for his birthday. Which I swore to myself I wouldn't do, because he always says things that I'm not going to get him and then he's disappointed when he doesn't get them. Makes me feel bad though I'm still not going to get them so why should I put him and myself through that crap? Don't ask. But I did. Can you guess what he says? Oh yeah, he tells me he wants an iPod that will tune the radio. Which I tell him straight up he isn't getting - maybe that solves the guilt thing I mentioned before, but still leaves me with no idea for a gift.

I know that I should be adult and responsible and get him something that he needs, like pants or underwear or church-going clothes. Yet I don't want to. I want to get him something he never knew he wanted, but when he sees it, he can't imagine not having wanted it before! Yes, I am actually embarking on my own trip to insanity. I hear it is a one-way ticket.

Excuse me. I Do Have An Excuse.

It is official. I have been reprimanded. It has been greater than a month since I've blogged. A dear friend informed me that I highly recommended my blog to her and then have ceased to post. Apparently I'm at the bottom of her blog list. I shutter at the thought. (Love you Sam)

Mind you, I don't really have an excuse. I've discovered who some of my readers are and it makes it harder to write. Writers block...? Stage shy...? I don't know. My own fault of course. I love to tell people I have a blog... I love to hear that they think I'm funny, or clever, or great, or anything as long as it is good. Narcissistic much?

Right. On to an actual post; however, it is not necessarily one full of wit: Prince Charming lost his job. Sucks. He is not good at looking for a new one either. Really sucks actually. Raise your hand if you have to hold your husbands hand and walk him through something. No, seriously, I'd like to know if this is the norm. He doesn't know what he wants to do, which I totally understand, but that doesn't help much.

We are going to be fine though. Positive attitude and all. We have made some changes in what we do/spend, which I think is wise regardless of his working status. I think he is most sad at having to cut out going to the movies and purchasing DVDs. He really misses that (as if he has been unemployed for ages - which he hasn't). We have to pick and choose which new releases we will see and then have to work out if we are going to go to a matinee or wait until it is in the dollar theater or at Redbox. 3D movies are totally nixed, even the early show is pricey. Sigh... I really wanted to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D.

What is worse than my Prince Charming losing his quest? His horse really REALLY needs to be put to pasture. He mentioned that his car was smoking a little and smelled like something was burning. He drove me to pick up my car yesterday... smoking a little??? His car is doing more than that! It is a holy crap, are you sure we are not going to blow up, chain smoker. It died twice when he was trying to leave. He assured me that once he is on the freeway its fine, no smoke. Uh, hello? That is because you're driving fast. If he gets, no wait... WHEN he gets a new job, he won't even have reliable transportation. No question, he absolutely needs a new car. Anyone know of an inexpensive, good car for sale, please let me know.

On a side note. Just to add salt to the wound. My brother is being deployed to Iraq. I support him and have great gratitude to those who fight for freedom, but I really don't want my brother to go. Selfish? Yes. Do I care? No.

I didn't know this, but...

I didn't know this, but Prince Charming gets sidetracked by bling. Though, not in the same way I do... picture Doug from UP... squirrel.

We were at Mike's Custom Jewelry, where my wedding ring was purchased, because I LOST A DIAMOND. I often wondered, while looking at my fantastic ring, if I would really notice if a stone went missing. Oh yeah, I noticed. It was like a huge gaping hole that I couldn't take my eyes off of. Even though Prince Charming was home sick that day, I called him and told him to call Mike's immediately. Here's the thing. They were wonderful. Took my ring, replaced the diamond, and cleaned it. No questions. No hassle. My ring is perfection once again, and oh so sparkly... bling!

While waiting I discovered several other items that I would like to own. Several. Pointed each one out to my loving husband. When the guy brought my ring out to me, Prince Charming asked about some of the rings. Uh, men's rings. He would like a right-hand ring some time down the road. Yeah, wouldn't we all. On another note:

Had a wonderful thing happen today. Prince Charming was playing his computer game when I went in to remind him we need to go to Mike's. The conversation that took place... well, for those of you that know him, this was a breakthrough.

Me: So, you wanna take me to lunch and then go to Mike's?

PC: I need to take a shower and there is an instance (making this up, don't know what the event is really called) starting in six minutes.

Me: So, you are going to shower within six minutes and then want to play the game before we go?

PC: I can shower within six minutes. (Totally missing the point.)

Me: But you want to play this other game before we go? How long will it take?

PC: 20-25 minutes, maybe 30. Is that okay?

Me: Really? You are asking me if its okay?

PC: Yeah.

Me: Really?

PC: Well, would you be mad?

Me: (beginning to tear up) Do you know what I'm asking you? Did you really just ask me if it is okay? Because, you know, you've never done that before.

PC: (regret clouding his face) Um...

Me: Honey don't ruin this for me. It really means a lot that you asked me. Of course you can play before we go.

PC: Thanks. (pause) Are you crying?

The Next Great Holiday

So there is this holiday coming up. Tomorrow actually. Bet you'll never guess what it is. Oh, you know, do you? Well, as you may have guessed, it is the day Elvis was born. Didn't know I was an Elvis fan? Well, for your information I celebrate his birthday EVERY year. I have all my life. So make sure you sing or listen to one of his hits tomorrow... and maybe blow out a candle for me.

Operation Holiday

Missions one and two of Operation Holiday have gone quite well. I am, of course, referring to the changes that have to be made related to The Holidays when you join another family.

Mission 1: Thanksgiving. We will do the every other year thing on this holiday. Last year, while dating, we attended both. This year we went to his family. Result Report: Total Success.

Mission 2: Christmas Tree Shopping. I am a Charlie Brown tree lover. I love the trees that are tall and slim (all the things I wish I were). Prince Charming is a full tree person. He likes them fluffy. I loath them that way. As we left home in search of the perfect tree, I seriously wondered if we would find a happy medium. Okay, I actually wondered how I was going to get my way. So at the lot we moved (quickly) past the fluffy and to My section. It was a little disappointing. The trees were sparse, very sparse. Too sparse, even for me. Do not despair, this story has a happy ending. We found a tree that *gasp* we both liked. Not too full, not too Charlie Brown. Perfect for us. Result Report: Total Success.

Plans are in place for the next major missions, including Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve. Fingers crossed that they will be just as successful.

**UPDATE** Decorated tree last night. All silver and green. Not to toot my own horn, but TOOT! TOOT! It looks FAB!

Cruise at Your Own Risk

I have missed you my loving blog. Have you missed me? I've been away for too long and really have no excuse... I have done the craziest things recently. For example, I visited my own blog to see if anything new had been posted. Yeah, well, we all have our moments. So even my subconscious is telling me it has been too long.

So I'm married now. Lots of good things... with a few not so great, but I'm determined not to speak poorly about the institution. Not only am I happy to be married, but I'm especially happy to be married to Prince Charming (whom I now like to call My Lover - but don't worry, I'll spare you the details).

The wedding was wonderful. People say that they don't remember or even see the things that go wrong... well, I am who I am and I did (there were a few), but I still think it was fantastic. Everyone was such a huge help. The music was fab. The decor and flowers were perfect. The guests had fun (so I've been told). Prince Charming looked all princely. And I felt great... up until the last hour that is, and then I felt sick. So sick that I had to barricade myself in the bathroom with a bridesmaid on guard. Twice. It took everything I had to dance our first dance, cut the cake, toss the bouquet, and do that garter thing with a smile on my face. Ticked me off too, I was excited about the cake. All was well in the end, we made it to the airport (that night) and were on the red-eye to Florida with no issues. Bathroom or otherwise.

Let me just tell you: Cruising is BRILLIANT! Best honeymoon ever and, hopefully, best future vacations ever. Eight blissful days sailing the ocean blue. We really had a wonderful time, though not all would say the same. There were some interesting things that took place: 1. Lady died in her cabin. We don't know the circumstances and can only assume that it was natural because it is pretty certain we would have heard if it wasn't. No seriously, the gossip vine is amazing on a cruise ship. Think about it: a lot of older people (women) confined to a single location over the course of several days. Think Relief Society on steroids. 2. Groom jailed/Bride hospitalized. There were two wedding parties on the cruise. One of the couples got into a fight. Groom beat up the bride and threw her over the balcony. She landed on a life boat, but the ship stopped just in case she went overboard. Groom was taken to jail in St. Maarten when we docked. Bride went to the hospital in serious condition. 3. Entire wedding party was kicked off ship. Left them in St. Maarten too. Yes, you can have too much fun on a cruise... if it is the obnoxious, rude, rowdy kind. I don't know if it was the party related to no. 2 or not. 4. Dangerous shore excursions. a) Zip-line anchor breaks. The couple we were sitting with at dinner had their shore excursion cancelled because of "the rain." Really the zip-line anchor pulled out of the ground. 20 people went up, 18 came down. b) Rail train derailed. Three couples at the table next to us said that the last two cars of the five car train derailed. I guess there were no injuries, they all piled into the other three cars and continued on. They did give those on the fourth and fifth car 50% off. I know this because I was at the customer service desk when someone from car four came up to the counter to have his bill adjusted.

I don't think it is usual to have so many things take place. Some might be put off by all that happened, but we had a great time. Our shore excursions were fun and interesting. The food was good. The people and staff were very nice. It was romantic. They had events going on all day. And what's not to love about a good story? We had a honeymoon to talk about for years. It was fabulous.

What's Not to Love About a Hospital Stay

My mom is in hospital, has been for over a week now. It has all been worrying and stressful and surreal. Watching everything going on, I have begun to think that the nurses have to go through cashier training of some kind. Everything is bar-coded now. Scan the pain meds. Scan her. Scan the IV drip. Scan her. Scan the bedpan. Scan her. You get the picture. I know that it is designed to help the hospital staff keep better track of what the patient has been given. I also know that the care she has received here has been wonderful. Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, I keep picturing the receipt tape getting longer and longer. Any moment I expect someone to ask us how we will be paying or if we want paper or plastic. I wonder if they have double coupon days.

She is doing better and making us laugh.

I seriously wouldn’t be surprised to see a bulletin posted for the ICU staff.

Attention: No More Male Nurses for Room 12

I’ll explain. During her stay here, mom has only had a couple of female nurses. One evening, dad, my sister, and I are sitting around her when she informs us that she has spoken to her nurse about Sister being single. Mind you, she starts this conversation just prior to her pain med / sleep aid cocktail. This leaves us going stir crazy wondering what on earth she said. The next time we are alone, and she is lucid enough to talk, Sister quizzes her. Apparently he asked if he could do anything else for her and she said he could marry her daughter. Sister is, understandably, embarrassed and I can’t help but laugh my tail off.

During the course of subsequent conversations she tells us that one of her physical therapists has a single son. “He’s a commercial airline pilot.” How that conversation got stated we’ll never know. Then, when another nurse is in the room, she proceeds to ask him if he is married and his age. Once he leaves, she tells us that she will have the talk with him tonight. “What talk?” Sister asks. “The one I had with Nurse One,” she says. Sister refused to let us leave until after shift change that night. She is under the misapprehension that mom won’t say anything if we are here. I don’t know why, it hasn’t stopped her before.

Mother is a very firm believer that there is a purpose for everything that happens. We believe she has decided that her purpose for being sick and in hospital is to find Sister a husband. At least she has good taste, all the nurses she has asked have been handsome. And conveniently single.

Sister just informed me that she is going to let mom get better… and then she is going to kill her.

Registering: Part Two

Prince Charming and I did make it to one of our two pre-selected registration locations. It was a smaller location, but I still thought he might kill me by the time it was over. I was under the impression that if I could just get him there, we would boop-boop our way thorough. Yeah, that wasn’t the case. See, what I didn’t know is that there are several phases to the registering process.

Phase One: Interest / Excitement. This one has two parts. The first I mentioned previously. It developed and died quite quickly. The second happens when you enter the store. I think that men do like to shop on their own terms. I think that they like the idea of having a say in what will be the things in your married existence. This interest fizzles when you have to stop at the registration desk. I pre-registered, you see, thinking that it would save some time. It did, but it still took FOREVER. I honestly believe the registration consultant (or whatever his title) took as long as he possibly could getting us the scanner. So any interest/excitement that Prince Charming had upon entering the store, waned away as the ten, fifteen, twenty minutes ticked by. Honestly, how long does it take to hand us a clipboard and gun?

Phase Two: Possession Of The Scanner. I read somewhere that to help men through the process, you should let them hold the scanning gun - back to that illusion of control. I fully intended to do that, but once it was in my hand, I didn’t want to give it up. I offered him the clipboard, but he rolled his eyes and flatly declined. He did commandeer the weapon from me when I had trouble scanning a muffin tin. I understood that my turn was over when he wouldn’t give it back to me. This led us smoothly into our next phase.

Phase Three: Questioning, Discussing Colors, Compromise, and my favorite, Goofing Off. Prince Charming enjoyed scanning, and though he didn’t fully understand the need for multiples of anything, he got a kick out of trying to scan things when I wasn’t looking. At this point, I realize I don’t know how to remove the items from our registry. I spent a lot of time saying “that’s okay, I’ll just remove it online.” As predicted, black and red were frequent selections. He did, however, tell me that he wouldn’t mind black and green. I happen to like black kitchenware so that was a go for me. I loved it when I pulled out a gorgeous comforter and he liked it too. “Perfect,” I said, “we can do the bedroom in brown and sage. Green.“ I clarified. I guess he thought it was black. Oh well. Good thing he already scanned in.

Phase Four: Tired / Irritated. Just over half way through the store, he had had enough. Well, maybe half way is too generous. A third of the way through he quit being interested at all and scanned what ever I pointed at. Not a bad phase all in all. Phase four pretty much continues through the next phase. Phase Five: Disappearing Act. We had just made it through bathroom accessories when he discovered a chair display. While I spent the last fifteen minutes of our two hour excursion selecting towels and bath rugs, Prince Charming leaned back in a massage chair and listened to waves crashing, wind chimes, and birds singing. Must have been good stuff, he bought himself a CD and me lunch. I registered for the chair.

Phase Six: Making Changes. The title is pretty self explanatory. I won’t go into detail lest we revert back to Phase three.

Phase Seven: Bonus Phase. Prince Charming said I can go ahead and register at the other place without him.

Registering: Part One

So this registering for gifts thing is quite tricky. If done right, it is a win-win situation: the bride and groom get to select the items that they would actually love to own and the guests, who generally have no idea what to get, have a resource. Thing is, there is this little hiccup in the system. It is considered lacking in etiquette to tell anyone where you’ve registered. Unless they ask. That’s right. No little cards in the invitations. No mention of it on your website. No announcing it in fast and testimony meeting. For example, if I mention here that I’ve registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond and Target, I’d be breaking the rules. Forget I ever said anything... because we've not registered there... yet.

Getting to the store to register isn’t a piece of cake either. You have to get your future other half excited about the prospect - because we know how much most men like to shop. Especially with women. At first, Prince Charming made noises that he was a little bit excited about the process. Of course, once I said that we would need to do it first thing in the morning, he seemed to lose interest. I can’t even promise him a little hanky-panky in return for suffering through the ordeal. Well, I could, but an “if you’re good at the store today, in November I’ll let you.. mumble, mumble…” just doesn’t have the same motivational effect.

It also occurred to me that you’re selecting colors of towels, sheets, etc. for a place that you’re probably not going to live in for long. I mean, most newlyweds rent for a little while before purchasing a house. Five, ten years down the road are you really still going to want a lemon yellow bathroom? Not only that, but Prince Charming has very strong opinions when it comes to color. How do you convince a man that, while black and red are a striking color combination, not every room needs to be the same color.

To Be Continued...

Is A Happy Ending Too Much To Ask For?

Isn’t it strange and wonderful how a book can suck you in? I love reading a good book. The type of book that leaves you pondering it after you’ve put it down, if you can put it down at all. One that makes you laugh, out loud, no matter where you are. The kind that makes you sneak one more page of reading in when your boss isn’t looking. Or stay up into the wee hours of the morning. You know you’ll suffer the next day, but you just can’t stop yourself. I think that no one can deny the addiction reading can become. And if you do deny it, you’re neither fooling, nor kidding anyone but yourself. I can say this with such conviction because I’m currently a member of LAA (Literary Addicts Anonymous). Remember kids, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. But I didn’t gather my thoughts together today to talk about that.

I am, in no way, some fantastic literary genius. I’m simply a simple person who enjoys reading. However, there is one itty, bitty, tiny little thing that gets under my skin. I just hate it when an author goes against my wishes. I mean, who do they think they are when they take my perfect happiness and crush it with written acts of death, destruction, and disappointments. Okay, fine, call me a romantic. Is that so wrong? Am I the only one who likes to read to escape the awful, sad things of the real world? While I have read some really wonderful, heart-wrenching books, I still prefer action-packed, humorous, Sci-Fi, scary, fantasy, mystery fictions. With just a touch of romance thrown in. And while I may be a romantic, I am not a sugary-sweet paperback romance person either. So I ask again, is it so wrong?

Specifically, my beef is with a book series I’ve been reading. Good books so far. A little too much cursing going on maybe, but I can over look that, filter it out so to speak, because the story is intriguing enough. I think you’ll agree:

Books 1-3 Girl is in danger for unknown reasons. Yea! Finds lost love in process of escape. Yea! Girl dies. Crap. Sort of. Huh? So Girl loses new-found lost love. Crap. Girl finds a way around this problem. Yea! Only to discover he isn’t the person he used to be. Crap. Oh, and catches him in the act of cheating. In public. With her nemesis. That stupid piece of crap. It is okay though, she has a new love interest. Yea! The flirting is there. The good tension is there. Yea! He is someone who understands the danger she is in. Yea! A guy who is strong, smart, GOOD. Double yea! Things don’t work out. She still loves Cheater. Girl hurts and alienates Good Guy. Crap. Relationship with Cheater is considered, by boss, to be distracting her from her work. Her destiny. Duh. Cheater’s memories of her after her “death” will be removed. Huh, that works. Now Girl has neither Good Guy, nor Cheater. She is alone. Double crap.

Pretty good stuff. The next book in the series was patiently awaited for. I was lucky to have just met my future fiancé, so the time until the release date flew by. In fact, the book was already out when I thought about it again and immediately secured my copy from the library. Now here is where things get a little hairy:

Book 4 Danger is still very high. Yea! Things are tense. I bet. Good Guy and Girl still have to work together. Exciting! Then, Girl realizes that she misses, needs, loves Good Guy. Very exciting! Tells Good Guy that she was wrong. Apologizes. Loving this! Good Guy hesitates. Crap. He has been hurt. Oh crap. Needs time. Crap. Crap. Crap. Decides he wants to work it out. Yes! Is probably in love with her. Oh yes! Girl and Good Guy are together. Yes! Yes! Yes! Good Guy betrays Girl. Wait. What? Good Guy is married. Hold on a minute. He is actually a murder. What the…? Girl helps Good Guy escape death. Enter another world. To be with his wife. No! Girl’s boss thinks Good Guy is distracting her from her work. Her destiny. Good grief! Boss locks the portal so that Girl can neither enter the other world, nor can Good Guy get back. #@%* Girl dies. Again. Ugh! Sort of. **Sigh**

Thus ends book four. I tell myself that I will not read the next book. And there will be a next book. I think it is designed to be a 12 book series. Which, under other circumstances, I might be happy about. Just think of all the ways she could bring Girl and Good Guy together again! No. Get a hold of yourself. Repeat after me: I will not count the days until release. I will not stalk the author’s website to see what progress has been made. I will not send hate email, because I really, REALLY liked Good Guy. I will not.

Good thing I have the LAA hotline on speed dial

What's Up With Getting Married?

You would think a 34 year old would have a better hold on things when planning her wedding. Not so. Years and years and, yes, years of looking through bridal magazines, sighing at weddings, and seriously considering becoming a wedding planner did not prepare me for the utter discombobulation that takes place when Prince Charming asks you the one question you’ve been longing to hear.

It is as if a bubble bursts and releases toxins that mess with your mind. Messes with time. You don’t even realize it at first. Everything is hunky-dory and you carry on in your relationship as if nothing has changed. Well, other than the fact that you’ve decided to be together forever. At least, that is the goal. Our goal.

Messing With Your Mind. It is funny. Everyone wants you to have the wedding you’ve always wanted. They go out of their way to let you know that you are the one calling the shots, making the decisions. They are there for you to direct and assign. Yes my Captain. No my Captain. All eager to make suggestions, to lend a helping hand. I too have offered my services to friends that were getting married. “Anything to help,” I would say. No one, save my Oldest, Dearest, and Darling (ODD) friend has ever taken me up on my offer (the eve of her wedding, we baked and frosted umbrella shaped sugar cookies).

I do understand why brides don’t recruit every living, breathing person in sight. I believe, and bear in mind, this could just be me, brides become OCD. And while my sweet cousin Roo would argue that I’ve always been OCD, the theory makes sense. We do want to have the wedding we’ve always wanted. We do want things to go on without a hitch. And we, I mean I, I don’t want to come off as the beastliest, brat of a bride in history. Your mind, you see, plays tricks on you, working along side her old buddy time.

Messing With Time. Time, that creepy old guy that keeps showing up at New Year’s Eve parties. He is a tricky one. Slippery too. Initially you think you’ve all the time in the world. Hey, I’ve got 9 months ahead of me. Plenty of time. I’ll be organized, you think. I can set a plan in motion that will leave me the most relaxed bride in the history of the world. No worries. No last minute, oops I forgot this or that. Everything will be perfect.

Okay, so jump ahead seven months to find me looking about wide eyed wondering what the H-E-double toothpicks happened. It is Father Time, that wile old coot, he has sifted the days and months so smoothly that I‘ve not noticed their passing. I begin a list of the items still left to do. Wait, there are too many. I start another list that contains the things that are already done. Not enough. (See what I mean by OCD?) Think, think, think. What would the ramifications be if we postponed the wedding, oh, I don’t know, another six months? But I’ve always wanted to get married in November and the honeymoon is booked. Do you think Prince Charming would be up to waiting…? Nope, didn‘t think so.

What to do? Carry on, I guess, and pray, pray, pray things fall into place. Oh, and hope that no more toxic bubbles spring a leak.